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domestic violence photo: domestic violence dv1.jpg
 If your goal is to shame or otherwise cause more damage to a woman in a domestic battery situation, all you have to do is say she must like it. I have no idea how this kind of stupidity develops, but it pretty much has to be born of ignorance.

Ignorance of how it starts, of where she's at when the first blows come. Ignorance concerning how trapped she feels and how she knows better than to not just smile and make excuses. Ignorance of the kind of humiliating and soul wrenching words that work like hot pokers, cauterizing any decent feeling she may have ever had about herself.

Don't be a dumbass. Of course she doesn't like it. She's trying to simply survive it, trying to figure out how she ever got here and what the hell she might "do wrong" next to bring on that wrath. Oh, she knows what that might be.

It might be an admiring glance some man throws her way without her knowledge. Better hide that cleavage and throw on some baggy pants just in case.

It might be the fact that she had to work late and her cell phone is dead because she was busy getting her ass kicked last night so she forgot to put it on the charger.

It might be that he had a bad day at work and her mind reading powers were on the fritz so she didn't know that some coddling and adoration were necessary before dinner.

It might even be that he drank too much that night so he couldn't get it up. Surely she is to blame.

At the end of the day, it might just be that she exists. That looking at her is somehow is a reminder to him of all of his failings, of the fact that he failed her, and knows he will again.

The one thing it isn't...is because she likes it. Where do you go when your very self-worth is based on whether or not you are capable of making it through the day without being verbally strung up or waking up to some monster hovering over you, the same monster who sometimes treats you with  adoration even as you watch for the tells that let you know violence isn't far away?

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She doesn't like it. She doesn't even know how it got here. She just knows that if she wants to change it, there are going to be serious repercussions. And she most certainly takes enough shit at home without being judged by someone who was never in that position.

If you would like to do something to help support someone who tried to leave, who made it known she didn't like it and wasn't going to live like that, join us at a Benefit for Melanie Greer. You can find more information on the Facebook event page. If you can't go, you can always donate something or contact a domestic battery shelter in your area to see how you can help. The one thing you need to do is eliminate the phrase "she must like it" from your vocabulary.

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