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I've been screwing up this parenting thing for years. The only pat on the back I give myself is that I acknowledge that I screw up and try to do something about it. Well, one of the biggest screw ups has been going on for years. Could I have done anything about it? I'm really not sure because it would have changed the entire course of events. I'm grateful that it's in my face now because I can see a ton of lessons in it, if I ever figure them all out.

Hi, my name is Kathy and I am somewhat of a workaholic. As a kid, I went through a few years when every single day I heard the terms "stupid", "lazy", "ugly", and "crazy". It's pretty hard to prove to yourself you aren't any of those things, except maybe the lazy one. I've got that one down to a tee. And while I was fine tuning making that word not matter, my son is the one who paid for it.

I've struggled like most single mothers, hell like most two parent families in today's economy, but I never stopped working. I was back to work within a matter of days after my C-section. I was back to work within a matter of days after having my appendix removed and spending less than 24 hours in the hospital. I take pride in that. My son? He bears the brunt of loneliness that my work ethic has placed on him and although I realized that in part, it didn't feel like there was much I could do about it...until I did.

I recently dropped a long term client I've had and to be honest, I'm thinking of dropping another one. I've finally come to a place in my work where I can do this and not lose money, but actually make more money in less time. In other words, I get to have a life. They key is in really coming to terms with the fact that I don't have to work 16 hours a day to prove to myself or anyone else that I'm not lazy.

Now, the real point her is how this impacts my son. I've been telling him as I took on new clients that I would be able to spend more time with him. It never happened because those new clients took up so much of my time and of course, when you get new clients and it dawns on you that you can get even better clients, you feel inclined to kick up the marketing methods a gear or two.

But, it finally happened. This is the first week of my new schedule and it is without a doubt...insanely awesome. Yesterday I got to sit down a d relax in the same room as my son. More than that, we went to the movies last night and for the first time in I can't remember how long, I didn't even fall asleep during not just one movie, but two.

I'm tired of only taking time to talk to my son when something "happens" and an in-depth chat is required. Don't get me wrong, we talk about EVERYTHING. But sometimes, the best times are when you talk about nothing at all and just enjoy some giggles and simple chat.

This morning my son woke me up with a country breakfast he made himself, complete with a glass of milk. And he didn't just make breakfast; he cleaned up after his cooking session as well. I'm used to arguing with him about doing his chores. But the simple fact of the matter is that we are more inclined to do things for people without prompting when those people give us a reason to.

I've lost years with Hunter because I worked so much. I feel like a fool for not taking advantage of every moment I had with him. It was a hard lesson learned and I hope I can make it stick. I'll continue to screw up this parenting thing, but this part, this part I think I have figured out.


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