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Home is so many things. But mostly, it's a sense of safety and a reflection of who we are. And because we are constantly changing, so are our homes.

I never in my life wanted to live in a mobile home. But, when I found this property that has a sort of homemade double-wide on it, I was ecstatic. Never mind that all the plumbing had to be redone, the roof on the front porch rebuilt, the kitchen completely redone and numerous other projects in progress. It was in my price range and it was exactly what I needed. It has a barn where I can fumble through projects in privacy, a privacy fence that allows me to enjoy my backyard with some sense of solitude and a few acres of woods where I can stretch my legs when my immediate home just doesn't have enough room for all of my thoughts.

The first priority for me is safety, and I don't mean in a change the locks kind of way. I mean I want to be able to do what I want in and around my own home and I want my son to have the same freedom. That means that some things were a pretty big deal. For instance, Hunter likes to pee outside. I don't blame him. It's primal and it's probably liberating. But, it's not encouraged outside the back door of an apartment complex.

I'll be the first to admit I'm willing to go to extremes to feel safe. I don't think the end of the world is coming. I think the end of the world as we know it is coming. That means I want to be as self-sufficient as possible. Of course, there's also the other thing.

I don't especially like to go out into "the real world". I tend to get my feelings hurt in one way or another. It could be something as simple as a remark I hear that shows me how cold people are to the world in general or it could be a direct hit that sends me home tied up in knots. It's safe here because it's mine. As a child I had no control over who entered my personal space...and I paid dearly for that lack of safety. As an adult, I do feel the need to be able to say "get off my land", so much so that I could almost purposely become an agoraphobic.

The safety of my home doesn't mean it will never get robbed. It means I lessen the chance that anyone might invade the more private parts of myself. A friend once told me that I don't just have walls. I have a castle inside a moat filled with broken glass and fire breathing dragons. Then you get to the walls, if the baying hounds don't get to you first. Well, maybe I've had enough. Maybe I need some physical walls and fences to feel safe. There really is no place like home.

15 comments:

  1. Privacy is important to me, too. I think you made a good choice.
    Fire breathing dragons...huh, I'll knock first!

  1. I too, love my privacy...sounds like a nice setting in the woods...

  1. I can understand the need for a space that you feel you belong in and that belongs to you. Frankly, I love dragons, it's the broken glass that would keep me at a distance ;-)

  1. Interesting; a.complex as well as emotional response to home. I hope you are feeling safe. At home.

  1. Sounds lovely.... Your private space. Nice writing.

  1. I value my private space too. Great post!

  1. This is precisely why I lived in Idaho for sooo many years.. I totally get it.

    Found you thru the A-Z Challenge. :)
    Enjoy your day and that awesome sanctuary you've created. :)

  1. Bless you...I understand the hermit need...what you have is kinda what I would like. I have a house in a town that needs lots of work and I want to move to the country, so I can scream without it being a problem if I want to or play loud music or tone while meditating in the middle of the night...it is a similar security I look for with maybe a later insecurity reason, although I was insecure as a child I hadn't yet been badly abused but seeds were already set...

    I see home as a place to heal those wounds. I wrote some healing poetry that I can't widely share but felt I would like to share privately with you.

    I am an artist and a meditation fan, I often have like dreams in meditations and have at times flown on and as dragon...I haven't gone out into to the world outside for 13 days now. I have hardly seen anyone. I have needed that retreat to stick myself back together with bodge tape (duct) and am healing well within my cave...some people worry and think I should make more effort to go out but I know I need this again for now...and all is okay..sending love to yours...the broken glass can't keep it away the dragon will simply ask...do you want it, does it feel right for you? <3 x

  1. I've visited some gorgeous double-wide prefab type houses. And the idea of having lots of land and privacy is MUCH more appealing to me than some huge McMansion built up to within inches of the property line.

  1. It is always nice to have your own private space in the world. Everyone needs that.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

  1. I live in town, but feel drawn to being out a bit amongst the trees and the quiet. One day soon.

  1. I live in a suburb, that said--I know my neighbors pretty well and there is a feeling of safety as we all look out for each other. That doesn't mean I don't pine to be out in the country--just means for now--I'm happy where I am at. Great post by the way!!

    Cheers, Jenn
    http://www.wine-n-chat.com

  1. Great post. I struggle with this as well.

    Nikki
    www.madebynikki.blogspot.com - get your blog designed and support global education

  1. Ahhh-private space- I treasure it- I live in a suburb hidden by trees- if I am feeling social I go out the other side of the house and chat and stoop it with my neighbors that I love and trust.. great post
    Love & Light

  1. So good to have your own private space - something I will look forward to in my new home (whenever I'm destined to have that). I do love my present home and it's so true that there is no place like home. Enjoyed your post.

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