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A debate about the terms "single parent", "single mother" and "single father" has come up from all manner of sources recently. As I ponder the articles I can get out of that...and further increase my own perceptions, another question came to mind for me personally.

Is is harder to raise a child by yourself if they aren't the same gender? Am I going to completely screw up my kid because I don't have a penis? Doubtful, because I am a tomboy and I like mud, things with motors, and the smell of gunpowder. Why is it then that I seem to get along well with my male friends, but am horrible about relationships and (lately) am having issues getting along with my son.

The thing is, with my friends there is no pressure at all, except when I'm working on my house and they want to think I can't possibly know what I'm doing. By the way, heads up guys. If I wasn't kind, I would have told you that my pipe cutters aren't for pruning flowers. And I only insisted that you not use glue on my quick connect coupling because I didn't want to have to go buy another one. Otherwise I would have spared you having to deal with the fact that I actually do know what I'm doing.

When it comes to relationships, I always feel like I'm just waiting for the moment when they walk out the door. There was even a trend when I dated guys who had been hurt and I seemed to end up being their counselor. After we broke up, they went on to marry someone else, then came back later, divorced and telling me they had screwed up when we didn't work out. No shit.

When it comes to Hunter...for the love of God, he argues just like me. And I hate arguing, but I'm reeeeally good at it. (Should have been a lawyer kinda good) He was questioning everything I said. He would ask me a question and then argue about the validity of my answer. If it was about something we were doing, sometimes I would let him do it his way just so he could see what I was talking about.

But then he went to his dad's and ended up spending the days with is grandmother. When he came home, he was a different kid. He was agreeable and he expressed how happy he was that his grandmother expressed obvious gratitude for his company. In my mind, 2 things resulted. One: Did Hunter think I didn't appreciate him? Maybe I needed to be more proactive about that. Two: While he was being completely agreeable, I was still stuck at the start line waiting for an argument to ensue.

Last night it came to a head. He got extremely mouthy and I called him out. Then he told me that since he got home he had tried to be agreeable, and felt that I hadn't. He was right. And what really ranked me was when he said (I kid you not, this comes from the mouth of an 11 year old) "Mom, you need to be more responsible for your thoughts and emotions. You're not paying attention to what's really going on because you're thinking too much about other things instead of what's happening right at this moment. You need to be more responsible about that."

He couldn't be more right. When I get lost expecting the worst, I actually make it happen. And here is my fatal flaw. To put this in a situation that you can understand, consider jealousy. I'm not really a jealous person and I'm not a gal who always accuses a guy of cheating, but it's a simple concept to follow. If that was my concern, I could see me worrying about it so much and bringing it up so often, to the point when I may even single out women the guy was going to cheat with...and eventually he would. Not because he's an ass, but because I actually made him think about it. Again, this isn't something I would actually worry about, but you follow where I'm going.

The point is that I can see where I have trouble getting along in close male/female relationships. While I'm busy worrying, they're trying to enjoy the moment, which I ruin with my worrying. I've talked about the waste of worry before, but this truly is the hardest thing for me to conquer. Recently I was approached by a man. He's attractive, self-employed and has custody of his daughter. He wants to date. I mentally stood up on the brakes. He asked "aren't you looking to fall in love?" No, apparently I'm not because like any other fall, it's not actually the fall that's scary; it's the abrupt stop at the bottom.

When I can live in the moment and embrace what's happening right at that very minute rather than worrying about what might happen, I'll be able to get along with any boy in any situation.

13 comments:

  1. Love your ending!

  1. let's face it -- as a mom, iit's very hard to "be in the moment." My son can be showing me a new magic trick, and I'm thinking about the fact that I haven't planned dinner. Or remembering that I never put yesterday's wash in the dryer. Or forgot to siign some paper for school. Tell your son to cut you some slack:))

  1. Lol Sandra. I tell him that all the time!

  1. Dry reflective. Very nice. :)

  1. I am a worrier myself, so I can sympathize. I've also had my son point out some things as your son has. I've learned in the years past that it took more courae forhim to do that than I realized. I'm glad I put some of what he said into action or talked it out with him. It strengthened our relationship in the long run.

  1. Well, I broke my own advice to others and did not copy my post before hitting the send button... maybe I wasn't supposed to hehehhe... I enjoyed this bit of reflection.

    A-Z 2012 (#49) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Poetry
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  1. Your honesty is really appreciated in this post! I am amazed at what comes out of the mouths of my children sometimes...Try to keep positive thoughts and bring good Karma your way! :D

  1. ^^^^What Beachlover said! ♥

  1. My kids never cease to amaze me either. Great post!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

  1. I think in many ways it's a blessing to have children of the opposite gender - we don't, quite as much, expect them to be our little clones. At the same time, they can be harder to figure out, because we don't know how a boy of 8, 11, 14, thinks, never having been there ourselves, and they still have all that push-pull need for independence/be there for me in teenagerhood.

  1. I have to "tell" myself to live in the moment. There is so much to do in a day and so many things that can go wrong that I can possibly avoid with planning that my mine is always steps ahead. Stop. I need to stop.

  1. For me home is a sense of safety.I'm agree with you.Awesome feature.Thank so much for hosting it.sell my house

  1. HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS!

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