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I am a total master at holding onto things. I admit it. For me the problem is that so many things happened when I was so young that every thing else just seems to pile on top of the earliest hurts. Because there was so much pain in my life, and because of the way I ended up with it, it took me a long while to realize that every person who had hurt me got to continue to do so as long a I held onto them or what they did.

The hardest person to ever forgive was truly myself. As a child, I internalized every hurt that happened, thinking I somehow deserved it. I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough. I was hideous. I was worthless. The thoughts that came to mind were far more damaging than anything anyone else could have done, though they were a direct result of other people's actions.

For a while I tried to forgive myself for being inadequate, but since I wasn't, that didn't work. Eventually I realized I could only forgive myself for the things that I had actually done. Some days I still struggle with that. and when someone else judges me, I struggle even harder.

The thing that makes forgiveness such a welcome step is that it allows you to let people in. Yes, people are going to hurt you, though I like to think that most of the time it's unintentional. Forgiveness simply allows you to let go of the hurt that people cause, even if it's yourself. And when other people can't forgive you for things you've done, that's their burden to carry, not yours.

Keep in mind that every day you can't forgive someone for dong something is every day that you may as well allow them to do it again and every day that you hold on to your own misery from that source. Forgiveness is the path to inner peace.

13 comments:

  1. That is a hard lesson I had to learn myself! Thanks for sharing your story. :)

  1. When someone does something really wrong to you though it's hard to forgive... very hard. Thanks for sharing.

  1. speaking up, and talking about your feelings openingly is not always easy, but worth it.

  1. This was a powerful post. You are so right that forgiveness is absolutely vital and one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves and others.

  1. gosh, how frightening. I mean, as a child; I wonder about my own son, how much he internalizes. And by the by, I'm like you. I hold onto it all.

  1. yup......and boy i love that pic of your path!~! :0) TFS..love your spirit my friend..and your blog page..its fun to visit, and PEACEFUL MUAH!

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  1. All great points. As always, thoughtful writing.

  1. It became easier for me to forgive when I realized that if I did not, I was giving away my power... like the last paragraph in your post said: "every day you can't forgive someone for dong something is every day that you may as well allow them to do it" Those are powerful words.

  1. I believe you nailed the need and the benefit of forgiveness. Excellent post. ♥

  1. You are so right...when we forgive we take that power away from them they held over us. Forgiving doesn't mean we have to forget, but it does set us free from carrying the hurt. So nice and I send you warm wishes for a Happy Easter, student of motherhood! :o)

  1. A wonderful and heartfelt post. Forgiveness is not always easy but it's so worth the effort.

  1. That is a lesson that in some cases I must learn over and over. It makes sense but can be so very hard to do when you are hurting.

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