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Dating a single mom is entirely different than dating a woman without children. You'll notice I'm not addressing how to date a single dad, because I'm not one. I've been a single mom for about 10 years and I've learned more than a few things about myself and the way the world views single moms. So, heads up guys; There are a few things that will make your first date the last date with a single mom.

You're not doing her a favor. She's a single mom, not a sympathy case who needs a man to save her. Don't act as if she should be grateful that you're gving her the time of day.

You may not "understand". Unless you're a single father, there are some things you just aren't going to understand. And no, living with a dog does not qualify you to breech that gap. She really doesn't want a solution everytime she let's you know what's bothering her anyhow. She just wants to share her world with you.

Accept her role as a parent without trying to modify it. I've actually had childless men tell me that they had the only good methods for raising children. I think it's great when a guy enjoys the company of children, but being a great uncle or a weekend dad is not the same as staying up days on end with a sick child that you then have to leave with a sitter to go to work to provide for said child. If you're gong to have a relationship with her child, by all means, cultivate one in your own way, but don't try to tell her how to parent.

Be a man. There's some kind of trend with men today who have somehow missed the boat on how to actually be a man. She doesn't need another child to raise and you should be ashamed of yourself for attempting to be that child. You should be self sufficient in your own right. The idea is to combine strengths and level out each others' weaknesses, not for you to rely on her to be the only responsible party.

Give her some credit. Single moms are mothers, accountants, nurses, teachers, janitors and couselors before they ever even leave for work in the morning. Most of all, we are multitaskers. We play the role of both parents and everything in between. Don't assume that the fact that we are single moms means we are deicient in some way. Most of us have found that we can sometimes do better on our own than with someone else just because there are fewer elements to contend with.

Don't ask to be babied. One year I found that I had pneumonia and a couple of broken ribs. Light duty wasn't an option where I worked, so I simply went to work and did my job. I also went back to work the day after I had a C-section. I personally am simply going to give a man with a papercut or something similar a deadpan stare.

We are single mothers, which means we are the rock that our children rely on. We are still women and for the most part we admire men who know what being an adult means. Unless she really is just looking for a free ride, a single mom who wants to have a relationship with you has seen something in you that can contribute to the positive aspects of her life. If you're only going to make her life harder, why would she bother?

4 comments:

  1. Yep. I've never been a single parent, but my sister spent most of the years that her children were growing up being their sole source of, well, everything. Along the way, she met a handful of men who seemed to either hope to be her white knight or another of her well-loved and well-tended children. A full-fledged partner would have been nice.

  1. Awesome!! These are also great guidelines for single women without children.

  1. This is a great post and even if I am not a single mother I can related to most of it :)

  1. Amen to this, sistah!

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